Unemploymentality

Diaries of a Temp, Chapter 21: The Whole Truth

20th May

2009

After reading Tania’s expose’ on the role of honesty in our job hunting, something dawned on me.

I haven’t been honest enough with potential employers about myself.

Part of my unemploymentality has involved digging deep and trying to discover my strengths; what I’m really good at. And I think this list will help potential employers focus on the really important aspects of my skills set and work ethic.

Also, resume’s are so 2008.

So here you have it. Don’t you worry, I’ve made room in my inbox for the massive response I expect from this post. Once this hits the web I’ll have people knocking my door down to hire me.

To Whom It May Concern,

A little bit about me:

-I floss on a regular basis
-Although I am legally an adult, Madonna and the Jolie/Pitts are currently engaged in a legal battle over who gets to adopt me
-I work best under pressure, with little preparation and against all odds
-At least thrice a week I sit for life sized oil paintings for others to hang over their mantle.
-I was born like Benjamin Buttons but used sheer willpower to reverse my aging back to normal
-Condoliza Rice and I are pen pals
-If you write my full name down and hold it under a black light, the word “WINNER” appears
-I have an outie belly button
-Children and animals and old people and people in traffic love me
-I volunteer 7 days a week
-I only need 30 minutes of sleep a night
-I’m really pretty
-I play the pan flute
-People often stop me on the street and just ask me to hug them
-I don’t have the swine flu. I AM the swine flu. I’m also the cure.
-Success comes naturally to me
-I eat guys like you for breakfast

-You wish you could quit me

-I tattooed the company values from my last job on my a*% and still don’t regret it.
-Ryan Gosling asked me out on a date and I said no
-I coined the phrase “emoticon”
-Bill Gates stole my diary
-My name, in Gaelic, means “blood, sweat and tears”
-Your mother has me on speedial for when she needs advice

-I am 32 flavors and then some

For more information about my potential, please rent the movies “Good Will Hunting” or “Dangerous Minds” and listen to the song, “Miss Independent”

Potentially, Hopefully, Truly Madly Deeply, Yours,

Lyndsay A. Rush

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